I Am Blessed. Very Blessed.

       Hello Everyone! Well, I am back to writing and I had to move to a new place on the internet to post my writings. I am not sure how often I am going to post to this blog. Hopefully once per week, at least. Anyhow, my first postings are going to be those I wrote in prison. This one is the favorite one I wrote while in there.

       Greetings in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ.
I am blessed. Very blessed.
I currently live on a prime piece of real estate in central California. To boast a little, this piece of real estate is the most valuable piece of property in the whole state. Not just anyone can come live here. You have to meet certain qualifications to live here, and most people cannot meet these qualifications. We do have to maintain our standards. This place has been called home by many rich people, famous people, and infamous people alike. I share this piece of property with many other people. 
I have a room with a view of the San Francisco bay. Actually, the bay is about 200 feet from where I sit writing this. Down closer to the water is a little exercise area that I utilize a couple of times per week. 
Several times a day, ferries go by on the bay taking people to various destinations. The people on the ferries are always looking and waving, doubtless wondering what it would be like to live here. Wondering… but most likely very happy that they will never meet our standards. Why?
I have told you the truth about where I live, but I have left out some crucial details. You see, you have to be a criminal to live on this particular piece of property. The rooms are very small and you share them with another man. Between the San Francisco bay and I are 3 rows of bars, a steel door, a man with a rifle, 3 rows of chain-link fence topped by razor wire, and a guard tower. The residence of this place are everything from parole violators to mass murderers. A very exclusive crowd indeed! Right outside of my room, there is a sign painted on the wall. In big red letters, it warns everyone: “Notice: No Warning Shots Fired In This Unit.” The guards do not play around here; they cannot afford to. If you get too far out of line with the other residents here, you may learn that the line between life and death is a thin one indeed. One of the other residents here learned that very lesson just this week.
While I would not wish a stay here on my worst enemy, this place is not all that bad once you are used to it. I am here for a simple parole violation. God-willing, I will be out of here in about 2 ½ months. At breakfast a couple of days ago, I had a man sitting to the left of me who had 2 life sentences. I had a man sitting to the right of me who had 24 life sentences. That kind of keeps things in perspective. I don’t have much time to do at all. 
I have been here before, so I already know all the rules. Eyes open, back to the wall, show no fear. This place is not for the faint of heart. God-willing I will never be here again. I should be off of parole next June.
My criminal days are long past. My last felony was 10 years ago at the wise-old age of 20. That was back when I knew everything and thought I could take on the world and win. A judge in Indianapolis showed me that I wasn’t so tough… or smart. With the strike of her gavel, I was off to prison for a 10 year sentence. I am blessed. Very blessed. I could have received 168 years. I served only 6 of the 10 years in prison. Only 6. I was initially released in 2006.
I am blessed. Very blessed.
When I was released in 2006, I took Jesus home with me. I found Him in prison; or rather He found me. I fought Him for many years. Like a child at the doctor’s office facing a needle full of medicine, I needed what Jesus was offering me, but I wanted nothing to do with it. I fought against Him hard. In the end, like the law, my wife, and many others, He won. For once, it was good to lose. In that particular battle, by losing, I really won… just one of the many paradoxes of the Christian life. “If you cling to your life, you will lose it; but if you give up your life for Me, you will find it (Matthey 11:39).” I was irrevocably, forever changed, by Jesus. I was a new person.
I am blessed. Very blessed.
I once was lost, but now I’m found. I once was blind, but now I see. I once was dead, but now I live. My walk with Jesus over the past 4 or 5 years has been a rocky one. It has been fraught with rebellion on my part, many false starts, many failings. Many times I have found myself to be an enemy of Christ. Many times I have walked away from Him. “The human heart is the most deceitful of all things and desperately wicked… (Jeremiah 17:9a).” Each time I have walked away from Jesus, He has allowed me to wander on my own for awhile, but in the end, He has always brought me back to Himself. “[God] devises ways to bring us back when we have been separated from Him (2 Samuel 14:14b).”
I am blessed. Very blessed.
This is my third parole violation, my fourth time in San Quentin. I have never been in this particular prison for more than 5 months at one time. Many people here will never go home. San Quentin in home to California’s “death row.” There are roughly 500 inmates currently waiting their turn for execution. There but for the grace of God goes me. 
I am blessed. Very blessed.
This is such a dark place, such darkness as you cannot imagine. So much demonic activity. So many lost souls, bereft of any hope. So much pain, so much anguish, so much heartache. So much hate. Every now and then, a ray of light in the darkness… another follower of Christ. “And the light shines in the darkness, and the darkness cannot comprehend it (John 1:5).” Oh, how the forces of darkness here hate the light. Draw close to me Father, for I am depending on You to see me out of here. The only way out is through. “Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil (Psalm 23:4a).” I remember what it was like to be a part of the darkness that now surrounds me. Again, there but for the grace of God goes me.
I am blessed. Very blessed.
I am where God has ordained that I should be right now, and with that in mind, there is no other place that I would rather be right now. There are so many opportunities here for me to share Jesus with people who desperately need some good news in their life. There are so many opportunities here for me to strengthen other Brothers in Christ who are not going home for awhile, if ever. I am anxious to get out of here. I miss my wife and son, my Mom, my friends, my church… but I am where I need to be right now. 
I am blessed. Very blessed.
“I have learned how to be content with whatever I have. I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength (Philippians 4:11b-13).” My living arrangement is a roughly 4 x 10 cell that I share with another man. We spend 23 hours per day in these cramped quarters. I come out of my cell for about 30 minutes each morning for breakfast. After breakfast, I am given a sack lunch and returned to my cell. I come out, once more, in the evening for dinner. After dinner, it is back to my cell with a view of the bay. I was not lying about the room with a view. Day after day, this is my routine. This is the routine for the other 499 inmates in my unit as well. The days and months blend together, and after awhile you are not even sure of the date. On most Wednesdays and Saturdays, my unit is allowed to go to the exercise yard on the bay for a couple of hours. The sunshine, fresh air, and unimpeded view of the bay is a nice change. However, whether I choose to go outside or not, I am not really affected by all of this. I have all that I need in my cell. It is sort of refreshing, in a weird sort of way, to be away from my laptop, cell phone, and all the “comforts and necessities of life” that I have grown accustomed to. Prison will help you to keep things in your life in perspective and, at the very least, make you more thankful for what you do have. 
I am blessed. Very blessed.
For now, I have what I need to live. I have my Bible. I have plenty of food. I have clothing and a roof over my head. I have writing supplies. I have more, here in prison, than many people in the “free-world” have. I have dedicated and loyal family and friends who are praying for me, writing to me, and waiting for me to get out of here. With just that, I have more than most of my fellow prisoners do. I have all day, every day, to be immersed in the Word of God and in prayer. I have been able to completely re-read my Bible in my first month in here. I am able to draw near to my Father every day with very few distractions. Every day in here is exactly the same. That leaves me free to seek God and not worry about tomorrow. “Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and He will give you everything you need. So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today (Matthew 6:33-34).” Amen!
I am blessed. Very blessed.
Here, right in the middle of Satan’s very own playground, I know peace, I know contentment, and I even know joy. How many of you who are reading this can say the same? So many of us who follow Christ are so caught up in the hectic rat-race called life that they have left their Shepherd behind; in doing so, they have lost many of the benefits that come from walking with Christ. Heed these words my Brothers and Sisters in Christ. Learn a lesson from one who is on the lowest rung of society’s ladder. No matter what your situation is, you can have peace, contentment, and joy. But, you can only have it by abiding in Christ. Cling to our Savior in the bad times and the good. Take the time to cast all of your cares to the side, and kneel humbly before the One who died for, and because of, you. Seek, with a whole heart the face of the Father. You will find Him when you seek Him, and you will not be disappointed. Won’t you take the time out of your busy schedule to simply be still and get to know the great I Am (Psalm 46:10)? Can you not do that little bit for the one who has done so much for you?
Yes, I am blessed. Very blessed indeed. May you be as well!